Coincidently, it would appear that as well as being stupid, UAF supporters are also really fucking ugly.
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Coincidently, it would appear that as well as being stupid, UAF supporters are also really fucking ugly.
Friday, 19 March 2010
It's not exactly original to claim that fashion is at odds with the concept of usefulness, but the point has surely reached its zenith in the invention and subsequent proliferation of 'jeggings'. For those of you who don't have a GCSE in going incognito in Shoreditch, 'jeggings' are leggings which look like jeans, or maybe jeans made of legging. I don't know. I don't actually know if 'legging' is, in itself, a substance. But either way, they are undoubtedly stupid. If you want to wear jeans, with the multitude of advantages that confers (pockets, protection from grazing etc.), then wear jeans. If you'd rather wear leggings, with all the advantages that confers (shows off your pins etc.), then wear leggings. But why conflate the two? Why make leggings and then decorate them with fake pockets, zips, and seams. Surely the whole purpose of leggings is that they don't have pockets, zips, and seams. All those things are undeniably associated with jeans. Indeed, they are needed on jeans. If you put them on leggings, and then put the leggings on yourself, you unavoidably become a victim. Because, after all, that is the only defence. You must stand up and say "this morning I put leggings on that had pockets drawn on them, because I am a victim to fashion".
"For those that haven’t had the pleasure, this guy is a two-bob shock jock wannabe, who routinely adopts a writing tone reminiscent of Rush Limbaugh going cold turkey on the hydrocodone."
[On his use of the phrase 'libtard']
"Hell, it’s not as if ‘libtard’ is even his own creation. He’s shovelling other people’s excrement off the floor and chucking that around. I guess he’s too thick even to shit his own pants."
“‘Delingpole’ should be the official name for a penis protruding from one’s forehead.”
"I tend to think that even half-heartedly debating Delingpole’s ideas is to engage in a massive great category error. It’s like holding a symposium on the moral and ethical implications of “In the Night Garden.”"
"Delingpole unwittingly engages in what I like to call the ‘asymmetrical horseshit gambit’ – by saying things so completely absurd you completely demoralise your opponent by forcing them to engage you in a foreign reality. I had the misfortune to read his book once, he really is certifiable."
"Delingpole: An erection plainly visible through the trousers of a bearded drunk fast asleep opposite you on a train."
"I feel quite sorry for the guy, to be bitter and twisted at his age, what the F*** is he going to be like at 50. At least Amis grew into his persona."
"He's the sort of twat that would probably love finding out that people like me think he's a twat, as he sits there oozing twattery from his twatty face."
"Oh my, this is one of the worst articles I have ever read, and I spend a lot of time online reading other people’s tripe. I never ever leave comments (I feel it’s a waste of time in most cases – I’m usually beaten to the chase by someone with a better grasp of what I’m trying to articulate), but feel that in this case I had to. It’s an absolutely terrible piece of guff. Are you 8 years old James? I’m guessing this because I know that when most kids are about 9 years old they have to take compulsory Creative Writing classes as part of Key Stage English. You clearly haven’t had to do this yet (unless of course you have graduated from the Tanya Gold school of Hack Journalism)."
"James Delingpole is a piece of shit."
[From Charlie Brooker]
"What a clueless, rat-faced, simpering, humourless, piss-writing, fuck-of-a-shit."
"Have you heard of James Delingpole? He is a right-wing journalist, author and blogger who specialises in denying man-made global warming and defending the charitable status of private schools. He is in many ways the archetypal absolute cunt; an aristo-fetishistic dickhead and slithery sassenach poster boy for Scottish independence."
[From George Monbiot]
"His blog posts for the Telegraph consist of the kind of ill-informed viciousness provided for free by trolls on comment threads everywhere, but raised by an order of magnitude. He puts a wrecking ball through any claims the denial lobby might have to being civilised, intelligent or serious. His followers act as an echo-chamber, magnifying his nastiness. Between them they succeed in alienating anyone who might want an informed debate."
"The recent Monbiot/Delingpole TV debate was hilarious. Delingpole tried oiling up to Monbiot (recognising him as a genuine toff and thus drooling over him a bit) while Monbiot's face suggested he was thinking "who is this oik and why is he pawing me?""
"I thought James Delingpole was a posh twat only qualified to write about nice jumbers and t-shirts from Selfridges (expensive but worth it darleengs). Wrong Delingpole?"
"James Delingpole - Climate denialist and card-carrying twat."
Thursday, 18 March 2010
"Where has it come from, this sudden consensus among Britain’s right-wing punditry that there’s some kind of scam going on here [Re: climate change]? Yes, Delingpole, I mean you, and plenty of others, too. What gives you the right? It’s like your hairdresser diagnosing multiple sclerosis… I’ve watched it develop and spread over the past couple of years, first with amusement, then with alarm, and now with a sort of horrified panic. Guys, you’re not just fiddling while Rome burns. You’re actively going out and smashing up the fire engines. You’re terrifying me."
To: the Times subeditors
From: Coren, Giles
I am mightily pissed off ... I don't really like people tinkering with my copy for the sake of tinkering. I do not enjoy the suggestion that you have a better ear or eye for how I want my words to read than I do ... It was the final sentence. Final sentences are very, very important. A piece builds to them, they are the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend.
I wrote: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for a nosh." It appeared as: "I can't think of a nicer place to sit this spring over a glass of rosé and watch the boys and girls in the street outside smiling gaily to each other, and wondering where to go for nosh."
There is no length issue. This is someone thinking, "I'll just remove this indefinite article because Coren is an illiterate cunt and i know best."
Well, you fucking don't. This was shit, shit subediting for three reasons.
1) "Nosh", as I'm sure you fluent Yiddish speakers know, is a noun formed from a bastardisation of the German "naschen". It is a verb, and can be construed into two distinct nouns. One, "nosh" means simply "food". You have decided that this is what i meant and removed the "a". I am insulted enough that you think you have a better ear for English than me. But a better ear for Yiddish? I doubt it. Because the other noun, "nosh" means "a session of eating" ...
2) I will now explain why your error is even more shit than it looks. You see, i was making a joke. I do that sometimes. I have set up the street as "sexually charged". I have described the shenanigans across the road at G.A.Y. I have used the word "gaily" as a gentle nudge. And "looking for a nosh" has a secondary meaning of looking for a blowjob. Not specifically gay, for this is soho, and there are plenty of girls there who take money for noshing boys. "looking for nosh" does not have that ambiguity. the joke is gone. I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you've fucking stripped it out like a pissed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it. You might as well have removed the whole paragraph. I mean, fucking christ, don't you read the copy?
3) And worst of all. Dumbest, deafest, shittest of all, you have removed the unstressed "a" so that the stress that should have fallen on "nosh" is lost, and my piece ends on an unstressed syllable. When you're winding up a piece of prose, metre is crucial. Can't you hear? Can't you hear that it is wrong? It's not fucking rocket science. It's fucking pre-GCSE scansion. I have written 350 restaurant reviews for The Times and i have never ended on an unstressed syllable. Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck.
I am sorry if this looks petty (last time i mailed a Times sub about the change of a single word i got in all sorts of trouble) but i care deeply about my work and i hate to have it fucked up by shit subbing ... And, just out of interest, I'd like whoever made that change to email me and tell me why. Tell me the exact reasoning which led you to remove that word from my copy.
Right, Sorry to go on. Anger, real steaming fucking anger can make a man verbose.
All the best
There are a couple more of his gems here.
He recounts a famous encounter between Martin Amis and the Institute of Contemporary Arts; a place populated by that far too frequent phenomenon, the Islamist supporting liberal. Amis asked the audience to raise their hands if they thought they were morally superior to the Taliban; only a third did...
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
"Pot. Kettle. Black.
Who knows? I don't. But grumpy he got, and thus, like the Beelzebub that I am, I have been banished to the fiery pits of the Guardian pages, which are sadly much less entertaining. I may have only been commenting for a few weeks, but my what a few weeks they've been, so in the spirit of education, I thought I would recount my oft times hilarious experiences to you all.
In fairness, I have been no shrinking violet myself. I did encourage one man to give up conspiracy theories in favour of matchstick shipbuilding:
"“What is so important about preserving the planet in its present state? It’s not as if we are vandalising nature for no good reason. Everything we do has some impact on our environment, but these are the costs of human progress. And sorry, but I think that improving our lot is the most important thing of all. Certainly more important than preserving a pure, unspoilt environment.”
I have mocked people's grasp of spelling and punctuation:
I attacked the state of someone's memory:
"What you gonna do? Quote the petition project at me again? bahaha"
"Haha! He’s at it again! Great."
I have been painfully sarcastic:
"Sorry, that was for realityreturns. I’m mighty impressed with his last post. You know, until I came here, I simply had no idea there were scientists out there who disputed AGW. It’s all a revelation to me."
"@ realityreturns (does it?)
"@ realityreturns (irony?)
"Would you like a gold star also? I’m nearly out. Snap them up."
At times I have simply been whimsical:
"@ Detective Inspector Walt O’Brien/realityreturns (really?)/pointman (got one?)
"Sorry guys. Just an update for anyone making pension contributions. Basically, what’s happened is, little slip up, I sort of accidentally on purpose funnelled all that money through my private hedge fund (CEOs David Dimbleby and Boris Johnson), into a holding account based on the Cayman Islands. Err, and from there I ran it through my investment company (www.henderson.com) and spent it on a windfarm. Well a windmill. For me. To live in. It doesn’t actually go round or anything, I just think it looks nice.
"Re: CIA, Bullingdon Alumni, Rhodes Scholars, CERL, Sidley Austin, Basque boys, and von Bismarck, I’d like to add the following point:
"“I think that improving our lot is the most important thing of all”
Yet, with all that said and done, the vitriol which has been chucked my way has been quite remarkable in the low level of provocation it required. It was of course Rousseau who said "Insults are the arguments employed by those are in the wrong".
"Pointman: Cue up “Ride of the Valkyries”, then “I love the smell of ammonium sulfate in the morning! Smells like Victory!”
Oh, that's right; a blog about East German trams was also ascribed to my fair hand. Anyway, cue further "research". It gets better; it now turns out that I'm actually partly responsible for the deaths of a group of Spanish exchange students!
"davidgrocott – “I .. funnelled .. money through my private hedge fund (CEOs David Dimbleby and Boris Johnson) into a holding account based on the Cayman Islands .. from there I ran it through my investment company (www.henderson.com) and spent it on a windfarm”
It's amazing what "a little homework" can do. As I'm sure you can guess, I had great fun with this...
"Haha, this is great, I’ve acquired a cushy virtual job, where I make LOADSA MONIES! But yet I’m also a spotty adolescent who should be in bed. And according to some reports I own a haulage company. Murky. One for the Captain?"
Yet, despite my protestations, some people continued to labour under the illusion that I was a high flying hedge fund man...
Combined Studies, Accountancy, Marketing, Law, 1995 — 1998
My new job description did, however, lead to some lovely backhanded compliments:
"Sort of explains the snappy technical comebacks, dunnit? All you have to do is go into your corporate reference department’s files. You’re good. I’ll give you that. How mcuh they pay you for this, I wonder?
Kiss Pachauri goodnight for me."
"captainsherlock on Mar 16th, 2010 at 1:17 am
And our Great Leader was not afraid to get involved either. After one commentator declared that rather than aliens finding the reason for mankind's decline on my hard drive, they would simply find large quantities of downloaded porn, Delingpole himself chipped in:
"@crownarmourer top post!"
It was immediately following this zenith of embarrassment that I was banned from further comments. Of course, predictably, having been banned, I was roundly abused for my cowardly silence:
"It may not be a fact that ‘THEY’ are a unified group with a single agenda. It is probably mistaken to think that any agenda would not be riven with internal contradictions. There are historical precedents for the conflict between those parts of the ‘real power’ to shape the world who believe their industrial/financial activities are legitimate, and those who wish to extend their regulatory control over such enterprises.
Asbestos, CFCs and acid rain were real scientific problems that motivated part of the ‘real power’ to regulate those engaged in activities that engendered these problems. But the activities were pursued by other factions of the ‘real power’ who denied, disputed and delayed action using THEIR power to obstruct change.
The resultant of these forces evolves as the extent of the power each faction has interacts with the material reality they operate in. A sufficient proportion of the ‘real power’ have the scientific insight to be rightly worried by the environmental risk of AGW, and the experience of change and destabilising ecologies reinforces their hand. Meanwhile other factions with immense wealth, and the strings of the energy supply resist with the tried and tested methods of doubt and diversion.
The NWO is not a carefully planned outcome of a coherent agenda, its the emergent property of the internal conflict of a splintered power structure."
All that seems fairly innocuous to me; an individual expressing their opinion. It was countered with the following complex and well thought through responses from two different posters:
"Izal…Bum scrape. Please lend us your enlightened hand as to how the future must / might be…with particular reference of how you might go about keeping your own sorry arse from a damn good thrashing."
"scud1 on Mar 16th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
The only proper way to take out an Izal ‘aerosol wipe:’
Your claim, that you have no idea whether Plimer is right or wrong about volcanoes, indicates, at best total laziness, and criminal incuriosity on your part. I find it almost impossible to believe that you have not heard of him being picked up on this on numerous occasions, for instance, by George Monbiot in a televised interview. Are you saying you never bothered to check? Unbelievable!
I’m going to go back through it and check (later, I’m off to celebrate St. Patrick’s night now), but I suspect you managed to exhibit all five denialist strategies listed here:
in that short interview.
yaosxx on Mar 17th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Oh right, Mr Niceguy today, yaosxx. The cultslinger has not evolved to a mamal (sic). Eeee…sewer rat indeed…what a compiment (sic). He is a maggot of the Ku Klux Klimate….lol.
What an irony that a journalist who has railed so vehemently against the suppression of dissenting voices should suppress a dissenting voice of his own. Of course, I will go on reading Delingpole's renal diatribes. If it wasn't for the activities of second-rate, Littlejohn wannabe, aristo-fetishistic hacks, then I would simply be at a loss as to what to do with an evening. So thank you James (and I know your reading this, your ego's too large not to).
I'll leave you with what I feel was a particularly insightful and sensitive post from one commentator:
"What is so important about preserving the planet in its present state? It’s not as if we are vandalising nature for no good reason. Everything we do has some impact on our environment, but these are the costs of human progress. And sorry, but I think that improving our lot is the most important thing of all. Certainly more important than preserving a pure, unspoilt environment.