Mark Thomas spent a year trawling the country in an attempt to gauge the Nation's annoyances and aggravations. It worked like this: before a show, Mark asked everybody to hand in policy suggestions; he would then discuss them on stage, and through the complicated and exact process of 'who shouts loudest', the favourite policy of the night was selected. The result of this pilgrimage? The People's Manifesto. It consists of 50 policies which (possibly) represent the collective feelings of our island. The publisher of The People's Manifesto is offering the chance for one reader to take up the gauntlet laid down by the book; they are willing to pay for one reader to stand for Parliament in the next general election and run a campaign based on the ethos and ideals of The People's Manifesto. If you have the good fortune to be a member of said reader's prospective constituency, I urge you vote for them.
From the perfectly sensible to the slightly outlandish, here are a few of my favourite polices, not all of which made the cut, but which Mark nonetheless details in his introduction to The People's Manifesto.
- Noel Edmonds should be publicly beheaded, and his severed head placed in one of 22 identical sealed boxes.
- 4x4 drivers should be forced to drive everywhere off-road; even to Sainsbury's.
- The Olympics are too costly and will really cripple our economy for little return. Why not give them to the French?
- Everything in supermarkets should be stacked in alphabetical order.
- Stop the taxpayer subsidising the Murdoch empire and institute the Sky test on benefit claimants, so if you suck on the teat of Murdoch, no benefits for you.
- We should abolish all criminal laws in this country and replace them with two offences: being out of order; being bang out of order.
- Those in favour of ID cards should be banned from having curtains.
- We should adopt an opt-out system for organ donation.
- The Daily Mail should be forced to print on the front of every edition: 'This is a fictionalised account of the news and any resemblance to the truth is entirely coincidental'.
The people have spoken, and it would appear they are with brain.
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